why hello.
I stopped writing here once it began to mean something. Now that I'm quite certain no one reads this anymore, I have the freedom I need. I actually should have stopped writing here long before I did, but I have an annoying tendency of letting things go on longer than they should. Perhaps one day I will learn to get a better sense of such things.
April was one of the most up and down months I've had in a long time. On the shit side of things (the side I try to avoid) my car broke down, I can barely make rent, my job is getting worse by the day, one of my mates is moving out of town this week, and so on and so forth. What it comes down to is that I feel cornered. I'm trying so hard just to keep my head above water.
Ahh, drowning in a sea of cliches.
On the positive side of life, April has held many beautiful things. Music, friends, love, drugs. Things much more profound that I can't express. It's just that on days like today I feel like I'm fighting with every fiber of my body to defeat the Victim, to destroy the Judge, and to live with harmony. I keep telling myself to focus focus focus. But the Judge is strong, and the Judge says all the evil things that dis integrate me.
Fuck you Judge, I will win yet.
I remembered today why the Polyphonic Spree is so meaningful to me. One of my co-workers disrespected them today. What can I say to someone who has already pre-judged the members of the ensemble? Your loss.
I will be back later, but now I need to renovate my bedroom. This is one of the songs that has been getting me through.
"Gonna pick myself up off the ground,
when that old feeling comes around again
I've had enough of feeling down,
there's something I've lost that must be found again
Sometimes it feels like such a hard life,
but there's good times around the bend
the rollercoaster's got to roll to the bottom,
if you want to climb to the top again...."
-String Cheese Incident 'Round the Bend."
| 
